Saturday, September 30, 2006

PROCESS THIS!

As we ramp up towards the seventh annual Coyote Radio Theater Day of the Dead, I thought it might informative and enlightening to offer a glimpse into the writing process. Contrary to popular belief, audio comedy does not write itself, nor do the actors (gifted as they are) make it all up as they go along. The "scripts," as we call them in the business, are in fact meticulously crafted.

This is how it works: Coyote Radio has two principle writers; Andrew "The Guy in the Fez" Johnson-Schmit and myself, Christian "Space Monkey" Smith. We've worked together in the field of radio comedy for so long that our collaboration has developed a near-telepathic shorthand. We don't even really need to speak, relying instead on meaningful nods and complex hand gestures. Good thing, too, as we each bear years of seething resentments towards the other (a natural accumulation in such a competitive environment as comedy writing.)

The process begins with "brainstorming." This involves up to days of submersion in the sensory deprivation chamber here at Coyote World Headquarters. Mescaline and hallucinogenic mushrooms are only used in extreme cases of writer's block, and these operations are at all times supervised by a licensed Shaman.

If the "chamber" produces no solid comic ideas beyond the obvious jokes about how our fingers prune up, we do not despair. Thanks to recent deregulations in international trade laws, audio comedy can be outsourced quite cheaply nowadays. Comedy writers work for next to nothing (in deplorable conditions) in countries like India, Pakistan, China and North Korea. (Or is it South? I don't remember. Whichever one it is that doesn't have nukes, but does have exploitable labor.) True, some of the pop culture references are a bit skewed, but with the "find & replace" feature on MS Word, all the Shahrukh Khans and Kim Jong-Ils are easily converted into Tom Cruises and George W. Bushes with little or no loss of comedic impact.

The "Day of the Dead" show is unique. Here we celebrate the Mexican holiday honoring the dead, as only a bunch of white people from back east can. This often results in humor which some might regard as morbid, insisting that death isn't funny. Well, they're wrong. True, the death of someone you know or love is a very tragic thing. However, the death of a celebrity is pure comedic gold. All year long, Andrew and I collect celebrity obituaries in search of prime material. In a slow year, we are tempted to "help things along" a bit. I'm not saying we whacked anybody, but let me put it this way: when was the last time you heard of somebody getting killed by a freakin' stingray?

Once we have a solid first draft script, we begin the contentious editing process. Editing sessions are held in a public location, usually in the presence of a professional mediator. Security is always a concern. A former Coyote writer was "eliminated" from the group when his insistence on a three-hour final cut of a Circus sideshow sketch caused Andrew to fetch a pistol he had duct-taped to the toilet tank in the men's room. Since then, things have mellowed a bit, but we still always check the stalls for hidden firearms.

Then, when the writers have produced a "working" draft of the script, it is brought to the first rehearsal. Here the actors have a chance for input. One of the great things about Coyote is the spirit of collaboration which exists between the writers and the actors. (I speak as a writer and an actor here.) Sometimes conflict does arise, however. I remember when Christian Smith the writer beat Christian Smith the actor quite soundly because of a disagreement over the proper placement of a comma. Yowch. Those guys are hard to work with.

Finally, the script is waxed and polished and ready to go. But they're hardly set in stone. Even on the night of the big show, last-minute changes are often made. Improvisation is encouraged. If a show is running long, actors have been known to skip entire pages without the audience suspecting a thing.

So, now you know all the dirty little secrets of the Coyote Radio scriptwriting process. Of course this means you just go out and write your own damn show now, but please don't. See us instead. This year we have thrilling comedy sketches about mutant squirrels, evil hypnotists, a cat who's a stand-up comedian and the true secret of how to get into Heaven. All that and dinner, too!

(PS- Cheap plug here for my Blog- The Lunatic Fringe. If you click on my link, you will receive seven years of happiness and prosperity. If not, well, let's just say that many, many puppies and kittens will needlessly suffer.)

2 Comments:

Blogger Granny J said...

So it's some sort of joke, right? Just where is the secret entrance to your blog?

9:13 AM  
Blogger Christian said...

Just click on the blue letters spelling "The Lunatic Fringe" and you will be wisked away to that magical place.

1:56 PM  

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